Children Who Refuse to Read to Do Homework

"My Child Refuses to Do Homework" Here's How to Stop the Struggle

Over the past few weeks I have had many frustrated parents in my office discussing bug that they were having with their child refusing to practise homework. Virtually of the parents I talked to described homework taking hours and catastrophe with everyone frustrated and upset. This is a nightly occurrence and both the child and parent struggle with a solution. The post-obit article from www.empoweringparents.com by Janet Lehman, MSW has some helpful hints that might only end this nightly struggle. — Megan Yaraschuk, M.Ed., PCC

"My Child Refuses to Do Homework" Hither'southward How to Stop the Struggle past Janet Lehman, MSW

Exercise you get sucked into a fight over homework with your kid every night? So many parents tell me that this is one of their top struggles with their kids. If you're dealing with this now, you probably dread maxim the words, "Okay, time to practise your homework," because y'all know what's coming next — screaming, stomping, volume-throwing and slammed doors. Or information technology might simply exist hours of dealing with your complaining, whining or non-compliant child or teen who merely hates to do the work. Even though you reason, lecture, nag and yell, cipher seems to change — and each night turns into a battle with no victors.

Trust me, I get information technology. I have to admit that dealing with my son'southward homework was one of my least favorite experiences every bit a parent. Information technology felt overwhelming to me; often, I only wasn't equipped to offer the assistance he needed. Our son struggled with a learning disability, which fabricated the work and the amount of time required feel unending at times — both to him and to us. My husband James was much amend at helping him, so he took on this responsibility — merely even with this sectionalisation of labor, we had to make adjustments to our schedules, our lives and our expectations to make sure our son turned it in on time.

They Don't Call It "Homework" for Nothing

Hither's something I learned along the way: homework is work, and in that location's no getting effectually that fact. It's a task for both the child and parent. Information technology's important to understand that schoolwork is ofttimes the most difficult part of your child's busy schedule. Helping your kids manage it despite all the other activities they would rather be doing can exist challenging at all-time. Think that it's your kid's job to go to school and learn (including getting homework completed) and your task to provide for your kids, run the house and offering love and guidance to your children.

I know from experience how easy it is to get caught up in power struggles over homework. These struggles begin for several reasons, but the most mutual one is because your child would rather be relaxing, playing, texting with friends, or doing near anything else. Know that if you deal with their frustration by losing it and getting mad out of your own frustration, information technology will exist a losing battle. Some kids are even able to dispense parents this manner, because they know the battle over homework may result in your giving up on expectations to get it done.

Hither's the truth: letting your kid off the hook for their piece of work will ultimately create problems in their lives. Instead, focus on the fact that equally a parent, y'all need to teach your child how to follow through on expectations and be answerable. All the more reason to have control and make homework only another part of your child's daily responsibilities.

Here's my advice for reducing homework hassles in your habitation:

1. Try to stay calm : Endeavor to avoid losing your cool and yelling and screaming, arguing virtually the right answer for the math problem or the right way to practice the geography quiz, ignoring the homework birthday or being inconsistent with what you wait, being overly critical, or giving up and just doing the work for your child. The first step is to try to stay as calm as you can. If you go frustrated and start yelling and screaming at your kid, this sets a negative tone and is likely non going to help them get the work done.
2. Set clear expectation around homework fourth dimension and responsibilities. Permit your children know that you wait them to get the piece of work done on time and to the all-time of their abilities; the nearly of import affair is that they try their best. Ready bated the same time each afternoon or evening for them to do their work. Understand that kids are all unlike in how they experience most and approach homework. Some may detect English easy, but get actually frustrated with math. Some other may be a science whiz, but take no patience when it comes to writing. It's important to know your child: their strengths and struggles, and how they acquire. Some kids need small breaks throughout a session, while others may need the task to be broken downward into smaller pieces and then varied. While in that location are some children and teens who are self-directed and able to complete homework without assistance, most require some type of guidance and/or monitoring, depending on their age. This makes it especially challenging for parents, because it means you need to perform dissimilar functions with each child you have, depending on their needs.
3. Have a relationship with your child'due south teacher. Effort your best to build a good relationship with your child's teacher. Outset off at the beginning of the school twelvemonth and stay in touch as the year progresses. Your relationship with your kid's teachers will pay off during the skilful times also as the challenging times.
4. Play the parental role most useful to your child. Some kids need a autobus; others demand a "monitor," while others demand more hands-on guidance to consummate tasks. Endeavour to lucifer your aid with what is most needed. Recall also that your child is doing the homework every bit a schoolhouse assignment. The teacher will ultimately be the judge of how skilful or bad, correct or incorrect the work is. You lot're non responsible for the work itself, your responsibility is to guide your kid. You lot tin can always brand suggestions, just ultimately information technology's your kid's responsibility to do his or her assignments, and the instructor's job to course them.
5. Keep activities like with all your kids. If y'all have several kids, have them all do similar activities during homework time. Fifty-fifty if 1 child has less homework or finishes more quickly, they need to be respectful of their siblings by doing quiet, non-disruptive activities.
6. Set up a structured time and place for homework. Choose a time and place and stick to a routine as much every bit possible. Consider adding in break times for kids with shorter attention spans. They might work on their spelling words for fifteen minutes, and and so accept a 5 minute suspension, for example. Offer snacks to go along kids "fueled" for the work. Continue the house more often than not tranquillity for everyone during homework time—plough off the Television receiver (or at least keep the book down). Brand certain your kids take a "space" for doing their work. For some kids this will mean a large work space like a kitchen table to spread out their papers and books, and for others it may mean a small quiet area in their room.
7. Outset early: Start early with your young children setting up "homework" fourth dimension, fifty-fifty if information technology's simply some serenity reading time each dark. This helps get them used to the expectation of doing some "homework" each night and will pay off every bit the actual work gets harder and more than time-consuming.
8. Offering "Hurdle Help": Some kids need what we call "hurdle help." Let's say your child has large test to study for, but can't seem to get started. Yous can help out by running through the first few issues, for example, until he gets the hang of it. Or y'all might brainstorm with your teen to help her choose a topic for the big paper she has to write. You're not doing the work for them, rather, you're helping them get going so the task doesn't seem and then daunting.
9. Choose the best person for the chore: If you are role of a couple, consider that ane of you might be better at "teaching" and then permit that person take on the homework monitoring responsibilities. Information technology will probable help the routine become more consequent and effective for your child. If y'all are a single parent, y'all might take a friend or family unit member (an older cousin who'southward good at math, or a neighbor who's a writer, for example) who would consider helping your child from time to time.
10. Offering empathy and support. If your kid is actually struggling, give them some back up and guidance and show some empathy. Kids are expected to do some difficult piece of work, and your child may sincerely be struggling with information technology. If you lot take a kid who is really having a hard time, information technology's important to have communication with the instructor to run across if this is typical for all kids, or if it's unique to your child. If your child also has these problems in class, know that in that location are different approaches to helping them acquire that tin be useful. The teacher may recommend some testing to encounter if there are learning problems. While this can exist hard to hear every bit a parent – as if something is wrong with your kid – information technology's important to find out how your kid learns best and what your instructor and you tin can exercise to support their learning style.
11. Use positive reinforcement and incentives: Information technology'due south always important to reinforce positive behavior, and that may mean offering some kind of incentive for completing homework or getting practiced grades. Most kids go personal satisfaction out of getting good grades and completing their work, and that's what we're aiming for. But, it's also helpful to offering some incentives to encourage them. Rather than coin, I would recommend offering rewarding activities for your child'south bookish successes. This could include going shopping for some "goodie" the child has actually wanted, renting their favorite movie and having "movie nighttime" at dwelling house, or other ways of spending special fourth dimension with a parent. These things can become more meaningful than money for most kids and they go to experience their parent in a loving, supportive and reinforcing role.

Most kids will never actually "relish" homework, and for some information technology will always be a struggle. Our children all accept dissimilar strengths and abilities, and while some may never exist excellent students, they might be smashing workers, talented artists, or thoughtful builders. While it would be easier if all children were self-motivated students who came dwelling, sat downwardly and dug into their homework, this just isn't going to be the case with most kids. Equally James often said to parents, "We need to learn to parent the child we have – not the child we'd like them to exist." Our role is to guide our children, back up them through the challenging tasks, and teach them about personal responsibility.

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